How to deal with Couples In Gaming

[SmilingJack]

Gamer and Game Master In Need Of Advice

In general How do you deal with couples when gaming, and what have your experiences been like

Specifically How do you deal with the following issues

1. Favoritism by one member of the couple towards the other when they are GM'ing

2. Couples going off on tangents or throwing the adventure when one member does something inane and the significant other supports their poor decision

3. Couples withdrawing and drawing the focus from the game onto themselves, when one member of the couple doesn't get their way or the adventure doesn't go to their liking, and the other of the pair tries to mollify their partner, resulting in the loss of basically two players

4. When Dealing with a couple consisting of one great player and one immature and selfish player , is it better to lose both of them to avoid the effects of bad player, or try and work with them to keep the good gamer, how do you deal with such polar opposites

[Eashamahel]

I think there is a GM section somewhere on this board that might get you better responses, but here are my answeres, hope they help.

1. Favouritism when GMing

-I don't have any real experience with this one. I am almost always the GM and have GM'd games with previous girlfriends as well as my wife, and don't think anyone has ever had a problem with how i have done it. One thing that makes this easy, however, is the fact that games involving these are usually made up of a larger percentage of new or newer gamers, which means that any experienced gamers in the group are aiming at making their (the new players) experience easier by helping them out, making suggestions, ect. This also means that those games are pretty easy, and I am always willing to offer help and suggestions as the GM, and the games are centered around fun and exploring the world of RIFTS.


2. Couples going off on tangents...poor decisions, ect.

-I have some experience with this one, but it's a bit different. I have had new players come in before, sometimes couples (girlfriends) sometimes just 'pairs' (two buddies, one new player one older player, ect), where this problem has arisen. My best suggestion is to set up a situation where it is less of an issue. I often pair couples (the 'couple' or 'pair' as above) up in the story pre-emptively, so they are not just two individuals, but their own mini-group, with their own specific goal seperate to the larger group, but running parrallel to it. For example, a game might be running and a couple could join, they come in as a pair, with a shared history and goal. This means they are working together directly from the start, there is a reason for them to do this, and it makes sense. They less often feel ignored by the group and 'pair up' out of hurt feelings, and more often are always working as a team, which means they are more receptive to the overall goal/story.


3. Couples withdrawing...losing to players.

Basically the same thoughts as above, having the couple start as a group, as opposed to seperating themselves out of (what they see as) necessity because one isn't having fun/getting their way, and having a seperate but similiar storyline for this specific couple sub-group. An example I have right now is a pair (not a romantic couple, but friends coming in together), one is a Dragon hatchling, the other an Elven Shifter. They wrote their own shared backstory explaining why they are together, and have their own mission in life, which just happens to work with the groups goals. Sometimes they go off on their own and do their own thing, but everyone in the game has their own goals/story and pursues it seperately to the main story, so no one gets upset at it.


4. Dealing with polar opposites.

Putting the experienced gamer 'in charge' of or responsible for the new player is a great way to do this, as is suggesting characters that make sense for that play style. For example, maybe the 'experienced' player befriends a Fairy (new/immature player) of some kind (grouping them together, creating their own backstory) who wants to explore the world, and is attached to their friend/protector. This way the new players character makes sense, but is already set up to be the 'follower' of the two, and the experienced player is required to be responsible for them, which leads to that player controlling their actions for you.



Anyways, those are just my thoughts off the top, if any of it is helpful I am glad. If it makes as little sense as I think it does, I aplogize, but I am all over the place today

[arthurfallz]

In general How do you deal with couples when gaming, and what have your experiences been like

Specifically How do you deal with the following issues

I second Elshamahel in thinking this aught to be moved to the Gamemaster section.

1. Favoritism by one member of the couple towards the other when they are GM'ing

Assume it's going to happen, and insist they make linked characters. Some couples are good for not doing this, but when they basically co-operate, this is the reality of relationship dynamics.

2. Couples going off on tangents or throwing the adventure when one member does something inane and the significant other supports their poor decision

Play it like it rolls. Make sure the players know that they have as much out-of-character say on what this does to the game. End said tangents with editorial as a GM on "please, why did you do this?"

3. Couples withdrawing and drawing the focus from the game onto themselves, when one member of the couple doesn't get their way or the adventure doesn't go to their liking, and the other of the pair tries to mollify their partner, resulting in the loss of basically two players

Cater to them if you want to play with them, or remove them from the game if this constantly disrupts things.

4. When Dealing with a couple consisting of one great player and one immature and selfish player , is it better to lose both of them to avoid the effects of bad player, or try and work with them to keep the good gamer, how do you deal with such polar opposites

Always, try and work with them, but be frank when the one part of the couple has learning to do. Make sure you maintain authority as the GM. It's your show, and you are the one who has to make the calls. Be friendly. Be direct, polite, and honest. No passive aggressive stuff, and deal with each member of the couple individually. But remember that they are a couple, and need to sleep together, and this is their mutual fun. Work with them, whenever possible, to make sure that they can have fun together.

[Grell]

I've never had a problem with it. I think it helps when the couple's relationship is more matured or the people involved are individually more mature towards each other. In my group, all couples are 30 or over and the singles are mostly late 20's so it works out well for us.

[The Raven]

Posting from personal experience on this subject, since having a now-former friend (the NFF) go postal over an issue with his then girlfriend (now his wife) and a couple games we were involved in.

1. Favoritism by one member of the couple towards the other when they are GM'ing

Seen this and haven't seen anyway around it. Commenting about this kind of thing to the NFF is what ended the friendship (his girlfriend was making every saving throw, enemies either missed or did low damage, so-on-and-so-forth).

2. Couples going off on tangents or throwing the adventure when one member does something inane and the significant other supports their poor decision

We dealt with this by the other players dragging the offending couple back forcibly (as in one character threw the character the girlfriend of the NFF into the cargo compartment on a vehicle and drove the character back to the group).

3. Couples withdrawing and drawing the focus from the game onto themselves, when one member of the couple doesn't get their way or the adventure doesn't go to their liking, and the other of the pair tries to mollify their partner, resulting in the loss of basically two players

This behavior ended the first campaign I ran with the NFF and his girlfriend were playing in.

4. When Dealing with a couple consisting of one great player and one immature and selfish player , is it better to lose both of them to avoid the effects of bad player, or try and work with them to keep the good gamer, how do you deal with such polar opposites

When playing with couples, its both or neither in the game in my experience. If you work with them to keep the good player in the game, the problem player will probably leave and take the other player with them. But it all comes down to the whole group, if they are willing to deal with both of them to get one of them, it might work. But if the problem player is going to sink the whole group, removing both of them might be the best choice.

[Pepsi Jedi]

You tell them to act like adults. If they can't you might want to think about what kinda people you're playing with.

I've role played with my wife over a decade in numerous games. We've never been asked to 'break it up' or stop any behaviors due to being married. People need to simply play their characters and have fun. If they can't that's a personal problem.

[Razzinold]

Gamer and Game Master In Need Of Advice

In general How do you deal with couples when gaming, and what have your experiences been like

Specifically How do you deal with the following issues

1. Favoritism by one member of the couple towards the other when they are GM'ing

Ironically enough my wife was favoured by the GM and I wasn't even the GM at the time. Not sure if it was because she was a girl or a new to RPGs. She didn't realize she was being favoured since she was new to RPGS.

When I became GM and we formed a new group I never showed her any favourtism.

You could try mentioning it in private to the GM but dude is pretty much going to stand by his wife and may see your questioning him as an "attack" on her so tread carefully. You may have to just endure it until someone else takes up GM duties.

2. Couples going off on tangents or throwing the adventure when one member does something inane and the significant other supports their poor decision

Just to be clear are they supporting their spouses' decision to throw the adventure or the spouse supported the idea of someone else?
Either way I would speak to them in private after the game about it, or if I was the GM I would let them have their little hissy fit and then explain to them that all that was no said in game and have it impact the story/setting.

3. Couples withdrawing and drawing the focus from the game onto themselves, when one member of the couple doesn't get their way or the adventure doesn't go to their liking, and the other of the pair tries to mollify their partner, resulting in the loss of basically two players

Like my other examples I would try to rectify it in game first, ask them in character for their input/suggestions if they are so unhappy and ask why their character feels so strongly for the other when in game they are not husband and wife. If that didn't work I would talk privately out of game.

4. When Dealing with a couple consisting of one great player and one immature and selfish player , is it better to lose both of them to avoid the effects of bad player, or try and work with them to keep the good gamer, how do you deal with such polar opposites

Chances are if you ask one to stop coming the other will as well. He/she would make the other spouses' life hell for continuing to go to the game without them. You might be better off to loose two players if they can't smarten up.

Whenever my wife and I play in a group we never play characters that have previous connections. We don't ever fall in love in game, or start as a couple, either the entire group starts as friends/team or we all start as strangers.

I remember more then once my wife and I arguing, within the context of the game and totally in character, about a particular course of action. She was more of an evil alignment and the rest of the group prevented her from harming innocents. We didn't fight or draw the spotlight it was all done in game.

My old GM had stories about couples who couldn't game well together, they would always team up and try to steer the course of the game. Usually if he asked one to leave they both left.

[Dunia]

I play with my husband, and we have done so for the last 5 years as a marriesd couple. Before that we were BF/GF for 2 years. I have never ever made it harder for him or easier and I knw that he would not want it like that. My fellow gamers know that I am equally fair to all players.

[slade the sniper]

Being a co-GM with my wife of 16 years we don't really have any issues with other couples at our games. IF there is an issue, being a couple ourselves, we can easily play either peacemaker, confidant or judge and either fix the problem or remove them. Having gamed with other couples before, if they both play, great, if they don't both play, having the non-player occupy themselves with a book or a game is a pretty good tactic.

The biggest issue is when babies come into the picture. It is do-able, but requires understanding on the part of both parents and non-parents. Having turned out two kids into teenage gamers, the experiment seems to be working

As for jealousy... It has only been an issue once...at Con... I really could NOT understand why this guy was hitting on my wife (both IC and OOC) during a CoC LARP. Eventually, tho, I was able to kill him in IC and convey the same message OOC. Seriously... we were even introduced as a couple at the start of the game...


1. Favoritism by one member of the couple towards the other when they are GM'ing

This has never been a problem as we are both scrupulous about no-favoritism (unless for the sake of story, we use GM fiat...but never for a specific player).

2. Couples going off on tangents or throwing the adventure when one member does something inane and the significant other supports their poor decision

This is more a meta-game issue...and can be circumvented by building a team initially and not X number of PC's and trying to get them to work together.

3. Couples withdrawing and drawing the focus from the game onto themselves, when one member of the couple doesn't get their way or the adventure doesn't go to their liking, and the other of the pair tries to mollify their partner, resulting in the loss of basically two players

If that happens, we would not have an issue of booting the offenders.

4. When Dealing with a couple consisting of one great player and one immature and selfish player , is it better to lose both of them to avoid the effects of bad player, or try and work with them to keep the good gamer, how do you deal with such polar opposites

Take a vote or boot them both. I will say that if the issue comes down to gaming vs spouse...the correct answer really should be the spouse.

The Important thing to realize is that if the couple is happy and likes to game, then there will not be issues. If there is some issue in their relationship...it may show up as the guest star of your game. If it is a one-off, deal with it. If it detracts from everyone else's enjoyment of the game, then maybe they should be fixing their relationship instead of gaming.

-STS